They came to me one day, these people from the University administration, and asked me to take a study abroad trip to anywhere I wanted and they would pay for it. Something about giving opportunities to people who wouldn't get them ordinarily. Now, I am from Argentina and my papa is wealthy, so are all my uncles and their familias. The UANT people had me confused with someone else about opportunities, cause my dad could buy and sell these people if he wanted to. So I phoned papa and told him. He laughed so hard his cigar almost burned the rug. Then, he asked me where was I going? I said, "Shit papa, I don't know." My papa suggested Austria, because Vienna is a beautiful city of culture and there are great mountains and spas there- so I signed up. He said he tried to go in the 70s but couldn't get a visa background check to pass. When the flight landed, I took a bus to my apartment, papa was right it was great. I dropped off my bags and went to St. Stephen's Church Platz, and began painting (my specialization at UANT is art). Later I visited the dinosaurs in the history museum. What a building this Natural History museum is. My school is called Akademie der bildenden Künste Wien, the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna. I found out it has the distinction of rejecting a young Hitler when he applied here after WWI, and I took comfort in that and laughed about it with some students. "They should've let him in," we agreed, and then looked around and wondered what our new colleagues would be doing if they weren't chilling out the art school.

I like this place already, and the students' culture is fantastic. We draw and critic each others' work, constructively. The UANT art school is far inferior in my opinion, because no one really makes art a social-interest topic that fits into daily life, but here they do. I saw great art in public spaces, and wrote down ideas to take back to UANT about how to beautify UPC. I did some DJing at a party, and we smoked a little, but all that stopped abrutply cause the best part of my trip started. Greta, an Austrian police cadet, and I, became romantically involved. I'm keeping this PC okay?! She was fantastic and I fell in love with her. I cut the weed because I swear she was psychic, she knew so much about me like if I was lying or, better, exactly what I liked. We rented movies, had candlelight dinners, and I practiced my German and she her English and Spanish. One day while examining more public art, I was fooling around at a sculpture of a huge skull and inside I marveled that while usually people have 'skeletons in the closet', not many people are actually in a skeleton that IS a closet! And suddenly I was approached by some people claiming to be authorities. They cranked my head back and put me to the ground. I screamed for... "Greta, Greta!", and she was there. "Help!", I yelled, but she just stared at me blankly. The men said they were Mossad agents and then they made up some lies about me, saying I was the great-grandson of a Nazi. "You should've done your homework," I yelled, "I am Argentine! Look at me!" But they took me in. I called papa and he hung up. I called back and said I was serious, and in a flat voice he said me, "Son, have you ever heard of Aribert Heim?" I said, "Who the fuck is that?" And then he said, "I'll give you a hint- he didn't invent the Heimlich maneuver!" And then he hung up. Fuck.